At the age of 23 I found myself lost. Confused by my life. Not really sure which direction I'm going in. Society tells me I'm supposed to have it all figured out, be a size 0, and be a polite young lady. I am none of those things. I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm not overweight, but I'm certainly not a size 0. And for the last:
"I'm a lady with the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor."
The last item mentioned it probably the one thing that bothers me the least. But trust me, there are plenty more that pop up in it's place.
- I'm not fit. I take care of myself, but I don't make it a huge part of my life. I fear becoming overweight more than anything, and I still don't make the move to start changing my habits. Mostly because, you got it, I'm way too tired. I don't have energy to do the things that I want to do. Even my passions, art, design, making videos for my youtube channel, are just too much for the fatigue I feel.
- Money scares me. I'm so scared of spending money I'm still some how sneaking into my old high school clothes. (Then when they don't fit, I throw a fit. Vicious circle)
- I'm a disorganized mess. Things are kind of tossed everywhere. I make attempts to fix this, but it just goes back to the normal routine within a week's time.
- I'm social/anti-social. I love being in groups of people one minute and then the next I'm scampering off to try to pry myself away from the madness. I want to start conversations but I don't know how. When I'm in conversations I eventually stumble with my words way too much.
- I don't sleep well. I attribute it mostly to all these thoughts I have running through my head all day. I feel like I'm most energized at night and want to do everything at 12, 1, 2, 3, in the morning. But when it comes to being up at 6, 7, or 8am forget it.
- STRESS. The thing that will kill me is stress. I think about things way to often. I think about things that I know will never happen but I worry about them anyway. I stress out so much that I often make myself literally sick. This is going to be a huge struggle for me.
- I swear a bunch. But that doesn't really bother me too often. To me they are just words. I've never felt embarrassed by it. I know when it's appropriate and when it isn't. Sometimes I find myself in an awkward situation or I's accidentally let it slip, but this isn't concerning for me. But should it be?
So what's the point you might be asking? "You just sound like every other girl on the planet." That's probably true. But that's exactly my point. I'm sick of feeling those things every day. So I decided to start this blog in hopes to push myself to become the person I want to be. Hopefully it inspires whoever decides to read this as well. There's so many who don't know where to start. Hopefully this can inspire you all to make strides towards your own goals. No matter what they are.
My main goals simply:
- Clear out all the negative around me. Pick up the loose ends whether it be relationships, or literally bad vibes from a messy room and reminders of the past.
- Get into shape. and KEEP IT.
- Eat better.
- Take better care of myself.
- Start doing more of the things I love again.
- TRAVEL ❤
I will be sharing my thoughts and what I'm doing to try to make these changes. I'm not sure what kind of form these will take. They might be pictures of recipes or vlogs of workouts that I'm doing. I want to see where this blog can take me. Hopefully receiving some feedback from you all will inspire me to keep on working towards my goals. I am anxious to start. I'm nervous to start. I feel like the word Resfeber is the only word that can accurately describe how I feel. I worry that like many times before I'll start something and then not finish it. But this time, I can't. I need to do this. It's not going to be easy, but it'll be so worth it.
I think my first step would be the first goal listed. It's time to clear out the negative.
xx, Mookie
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